My Board When I'm Bored ~_-

This is my favorite metal board at home. 
It's my birthday present given by my dear Farkha. 
Nak beli fridge mahal sangat, and I'm 'hantu' fridge magnet. 
So she gave me this!
Hehe, jangan lah percaya semua yang ditampal tu tersun elokkk je.
I will post my current board later!
I love this board because I put many things I love.
And of course photo of my loved ones. 

#madhatt8

Past is Past,eyh?

Picture taken at KFC, Gunung Ledang 070117 ^_^

we are normal human being.

we miss people.

we miss friends.

we miss siblings.

we miss family.

we miss our teachers.

we miss makcik kantin.

we miss being thin.

we miss past events.

we miss dead people .

we miss people who are still alive too.

we miss our old figure.

we miss our childhood.

we miss things we cannot have.

we miss people who doesn't miss us.

we have been missing so many things that we miss to be present.

there's saying that there's always a reason for people in our past are better off to stay in past.

but....

i am a normal human being.

i miss you.

i miss us.

and once in a while I'll be 'visiting' my past.

hah! lie!

once in a while...NEVA.

hahahah..

degil!

#madhatt8

Bunga

Semalam..
Adalah hari paling kecamuk..
Penuh pancaroba..

I was so angry, I almost lost it..I think I've lost it.......... hmmm..
I was so sad, I cried..
I was so busy with my work..
My chest was sooo heavy, but I refused to let..it..out...
I was unable to pretend anymore, my mask almost fell off...

and then...

I received....THIS!!!!!

wow.

I do not know who was the sender!!! This is the only clue...

Dalam pada aku celaru, aku diberi peluang untuk tersenyum :)

So, today, my 'Darth' guarding my 'bunga-buat-aku-tersenyum-dalam-celaru'

Ha..ha.. ha.....

Alhamdulillah, TQ :)




p/s: I don't like flowers, tapi tak sangka memang bunga boleh buat kita happy ye... ^_^

Oh, Hello!

My...my!!!

It has been ages, man...

I don't even know how to 'blog'!! HAAHAHAHA...

But I think I want to start 'blogging' again.
It has been..........tough...
Oh yessss.. "jiwa kacau" IS my middle name...
I need to let it out from my chest before I ended up like Harley Quinn!!!
So...hello world!

Very...very..very... tough....for me... *sigh*

p/s: Happy Belated Birthday to my sayang, Ryan Iszkandar. Sorry that Tymudd didn't wish you, too busy mending my heart.. Oh, what an excuse, Tymudd! But know this, I love you!!!

Buat Sang Pembohong

Took me a while to accept you back.
I can't even look at you in the eyes....YOU liar!

Tapikan, aku pikir balik la, jangan nak hukum orang lain macam aku ni malaikat.
Tak pernah buat dosa.

Tapi seingat aku, aku tak pernah bohong kat kau.
Dan kau ingat aku tak tahu.
Aku tahu, aku dah marah, dah frust, dah bengang, DONE.
Aku  maafkan kau.
Ade hikmah kejadiah tu aku found out sehari sebelum Ramadhan.
Tak guna aku lanjutkan hati yang membara tu kan.

So...
Tolonglah, jangan bohong lagi..
Sebab lepas ni, if kau bohong lagi, aku memanglah maafkan kau.
Tapi aku akan anggap ko irrelevant dalam hidup aku.
And I will for sure ignore your existence.
Okay?

p/s:  Siakap senohong, gelama ikan duri, bercakap bohong..lama-lama........?

Hashtag Jiwa Kacau Yang Kompleks

Am a very authentic person that I can't hide my emotions and feelings. If am sad, happy or angry, it will easily written on my face. Especially sad. People around me would easily 'detect' it. I tried to fake it. Fail big time. If am sad, I won't be able to share it with anyone. In fact, I don't feel like sharing. I would just suppress..suppress..suppresss......and suppress it. Things might got worst, like I started to remove my profile pictures or change to pitch black, until further notice. Hahaha...I just thought that I should just...suck it up and move on. I..think.. I have move on..ehehehe.. Life goes on. I will still love people that I love and forgive those who have hurt me. Dubidubidu....

Anyways,  here's what happened when I've been thinking wayyy too much..LOL..

Kita bikin sajak laaa...

___________________________________________

Aku nak bangun...kosong...
Kau tak tahu aku..
Aku tak tahu aku..
Dadaku, mohon untuk tak sesak lagi..
Otakku janganlah sarat mengemis
Tak payah sedih di hati..
Cukup dah menangis..
Aku cuma nak bertenang..
Tenang setenangnya yang tenang..

Yang memahami, memahami..
Yang ikhlas, ikhlas..
Yang jujur, jujur..
Yang sayang, sayang....
Yang gembira, gembira..
Yang nak membantu buntu
Yang tak tahu sekadar lalu

Sedangkan aku?
Lidah jadi kaku
Hati beku
Mata lesu
Sampai bila?
aku tak tahu..
Aku dah tak tahu siapa aku..
Aku memang tak tahu siapa aku..

madhat140615-Jiwa Kacau

p/s: "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. "

TQ, Mr Brighside for always be there by my side.

"Stabbed through my heart.. Again & Again.." She said.

.....She was looking for a quote for him whom currently was looking for a quote for other girl.....

"You know, that 'dush' feelings.." she said.
"Hell yeah, I know..." I said.
Then she asked, "So what now?"
"I dunno..Like seriously I dunno...Because... there's no switch for our feelings..." I said. 
Sigh~

Photo from Pinterest. 

p/s: Anyways, love this version of Monster. LOVE it!

Twisting That Twisted Thing #2

That Twisted Heart - Part 2

You:
She..
She's crazy
She's sweet
She's funny
She's different
She always made my day☀️
She cares about me
She's protective over me
She made poem for me
She made me be the real me

Me:
Do you like her?

You:
Yes.

Me:
Tell her laa, what are you waiting for??

You:
Ok.. (But.......ermmmm)

Photo from Pinterest

p/s: You never know....

Overprotective

My conversations with my best friend:

"But yeah..I was wondering..
How come I never write about you..
Then I realized..
I think..
I've channelled all my love for you..
To one big shield..
Hoping it could always be there..
To protect you and your heart..
When am not around"  

(madhat,260215)

p/s: "I may be far, Far from your sight, But my presence lingers. And the heart stays." She replied...Within 5 seconds❤️

Relax Kejap Barang 10 Saat..

Experience #1
Tadi dah selesai supper.. so nak balik dah la.. Pegi la kat kete & dengan confidentnye masukkan kunci kat pintu kete,tapi kete tak boleh unlock Eh, Apehal...? Cuba lagi kali kedua dan ketiga. Tak boleh jugak!! Dalam keadaan 85.7% panik & tak sure nak buat ape... titibe slow je member tegur.. "Hey..ni bukan kereta ko laaa.." Alaaaaa, nape kereta sama spesis bole plakkkk park sebelah-sebelah,bro..Apehal dah dua malam berturut-turut buat cerita bloopers ni..

Experience #2

Haru betul kat tol tadi pegi touch kad Mesra Petronas instead of kad Touch & Go...

Dalam kekabutan aku sempat menjeling cermin tengah aku tu, nak kaji tahap kesabaran driver kat blakang. Owh, brader kat belakang tu tengah perati je aku sambil dia isap rokok......

Experience # 3

Korang pernah tak mengalami masalah dengan remote control TV? Ade satu hari tu aku baru lepas masak breakfast, susah payah peluh-peluh..Ingat nak breakfast sambil tengok TV. Tapi, aku selalu bermasalah nak on TV, selalunye kuar screen biru. Macam-macam cara aku godek, jiwa rendah-diri kata "Call la adik ko tanye macam mane..." Tapi Ego mengatasi segala. Maka, aku tengoklah cerita 'blue' sampai abis scramble egg & roti tu. Padan lah sangat dengan muka ko, Mudd.. -_-

Experience #4

Masih lagi di topic & tab yang sama, aku & remote control TV. So, tengah hari tu,  sebabkan aku nak lunch sambil tengok TV, aku dah tak tahan la, aku wassep jugak adik aku macam mana kekdahnye nak on TV ajaib tu. "Kak Ha kena tekan HMDI1" Owh, bloody-fish, satu step simple tu je aku miss! Dan BERJAYA!! Heh, extra sedap maggi kari aku tengah hari tu :) Si 'HAMDI" punye pasal!!! Biase ye ko!

Experience #5

Tengah memandu secara toma'ninah gara-gara jalan raya 'padat-merayap.' So, di kala macam ni, itulah peluang untuk ko menjengah 'jiran-jiran' memandu yang lain.  Bukan nak busy body, kadang-kadang saje nak kill the time yang bosan tu. Sekali, bila driver kereta sebelah nyanyi penuh perasaan macam masuk AF............. Aku pon tukar plan la, pura-pura pandang tayar kereta dia... Kongkonon, kaji rim kereta dia, bunga tayar, etc... =_="

Oke, dah! 

5 je dulu....

Lain tahun aku up lagi.....

"Ish, ish, ish..Mokde..Mokde.."
This is my nephew Sirhan Abraqi! :P 

p/s: Kadang-kadang aku terpikir, dalam keturunan aku ke, time mak aku ngandung dia banyak tengok cerita "3 Stooges" ke... Tahyul... aku la mencipta kekalutan dalam diri & kecelaruan dalam hidup, jangan nak salahkan orang lain. Anggap aje the bright side of my story ni sebagai hiburan untuk orang-orang kemurungan....Miaahahahaha~

Twisting That Twisted Thing

That Twisted Heart - Part 1

Me: 

You! 

I care about you..

I trust you..

I need you..

I miss you..

I like you..

I want you ..

I'm jealous! 

I'm so afraid to lose you..

Err, I think I love you?

You: 

Babe...? Are you okay? You didn't say a thing since just now?

Me: 

Owh....yeah.. Yeah, Am cool...

You: 

So.. As I was saying... I like this one girl.....

Me: 

Yeah..yeahh..continue..

p/s: Craving for who?YOU? Booo~

Throwback: Full What??? Full Marathon!!!

There's saying, "When your legs can't run anymore, run with your heart❤️" This phrase gives no impact to me until I run my first Full Marathon last year. I remembered registering for my FM as early as January last year with NO idea what was the plan for this ultimate plan.

YUP, tho this entry considered 'expired entry' so called but it will always and forever be my greatest life experience. Moreover, that was my inaugural Full Marathon but second time running for Penang Bridge International Marathon. In 2013, I did my first half marathon in the same event. Anyways, never in my entire life to imagine myself running full marathon. My 2014 resolution & mission have accomplished! Alhamdulillah. 

The route was soooooooo boring and mental I tell you, I did too many 'self-talk.' Worst moment was while I've done about 25KM ++, there was where my body aching, I couldn't feel my leg. I didn't see the 'landmark' (that cable bridge). Too many people walking instead of running. As I mentioned earlier, the route was sooo boring! Pfffttt~ All added up and equals to over-thinking and mind-negativity. As I've done my 30KM ++, it was already daylight and there you can see thousands of runners. Imagine Uruk Hai in LOTR, that was how the scene was..Seriously...The moment I saw the signage, '400M'... I said to myself... 'They lie! Lie to me! They said  400M more!! How come I feel soooo far!! Still sooo far from the finish line!Warghhh!' Cannot tahan edy, I speed up at my last few hundreds meters to finishing line using my last energy, adrenaline, water tank, emotions, strength, name it!

Despite all of these....Lo! I've done my 42 KM in 6 hours 15 minutes. Alhamdulillah!!! 

Another best thing was my Master Sifu has added me in their 'Marathoners Group.' Hahahaa... simple event yet sooooo meaningful to me! They've even celebrated my FM achievement by buy me for dinner in 'Tony Romas,' it's somewhat their ritual as and when they have new Marathoners in the group. Hahaha... :P

My next running mission is to run 42 KM for SCKLM! In sya allah! Kasi kaki baik dulu!!

This was in R&R...I can't remember which one :P The one with light-blue shirt is my MASTER SIFU!! :)

Runners! :)

Re-quote from my Master Sifu Ajiman, "Full Marathon Virgin... no more... " ^_^

This is my Sifu Hezany! 

Celebrating the new FM runners!

These are for them!

This is from them :)

p/s: Running keeps me sane, keeps me happy, keeps me be me! I love you, Running.. hahahaha...

Tapi, Selalunya...

Kadang-kadang berjaya pujuk diri
Kadang-kadang rasa okay hati ni

Kadang-kadang betul rasa tak kisah
Kadang-kadang peduli apa dengan resah

Kadang-kadang serious jiwa tak terganggu
Kadang-kadang memang sanggup tunggu 

Kadang-kadang biarlah ada sempadan
Kadang-kadang mengaku tak rasa bosan

Kadang-kadang tak rasa langsung cemburu
Kadang-kadang buat ape nak celaru

Kadang-kadang lebih baik pasrah
Kadang-kadang tak mengaku dah parah

Tapi, selalunya...
'Kadang-kadang' ni tak pernah nak selalu...
Sebab selalunya, 'kadang-kadang' ni memang kadang-kadang je....

pfft~

Gambar bukan hak milik sendiri, dari Google Image

p/s: Overthinking, aye? Kadang-kadang, aku pon naik heran la dengan 'kekadangan' aku ni.. Huh!

Oh My Ankle!

Memang dulu, kini dan selamanya...Aku dan kaki memang sentiasa dilanda kecederaan.. Ligamen koyak, terseliuh, bengkak, plantar faciitis, etc  -_- 

In fact, ligamen buku lali aku dulu koyak for the first time when I was 8 years old gara-gara naik beskal macam pelesit time turun bukit.. Cari penyakit namanye.... Tettt~

Anyways, I've sprained my ankle last Sunday. Sudahlah tergolek, kaki terlipat ke belakang, terseliuh... Adoi..

Ikutkan hati nak jugak join the MHWH Run this coming Saturday... Haihhh.. Tapi...aku akuilah yang kaki ni tak sihat dan jangan nak berlagak hero. Kalau keadaan jadi lagi parah, baru nak menyesal buat ape kan.. Yelah, ikut hati, mati...So.. hati panas sikit la dari tadi deme-deme ni dok bersembang on meeting point, dalam wassep sifu-sifu semangat update itu ini...  Grrrrr~ 

Hopefully by 11th April 2015, my ankle is better and I can proceed with my Shape Run! Yeehaaa! Tengah cuba mempositifkan diri ni! Dalam hati siapa yang tahu. With heavy heart, I pass my running bib to my colleague. Kesian jugak kat mamat tu, kena run bib perempuan :P Hopefully he would wear skirt tomorrow.. :P Miaaaahahahaha.. 

Iyalah kaki, ko rest la kaki.......

p/s: Aku teringat Umi aku penah tegur ada satu hari tu mase kaki aku sihat.. Dia tegur lembutttt je, "Awak ni nak pakai kaki untuk berlari je ke, takde ke rase nak simpan untuk pakai pegi Mekah nanti...." 

Dushhh~ *ouch*

That Twisted Conversation

Aku: Ape masalah ko ni asyik buat masalah?!

Ko: Masalahnya ko la yang punya masalah..

Aku: Ape masalah aku?

Ko: Ko rase ko jaga aku tak?

Aku: *Diam*

Ko: Ko janji bulan lepas, sekarang dah terlebih 2000 tau. Dah masuk 10 tahun aku dengan ko. Semua kawan-kawan ko aku kenal. Aku kenal sangat la ko ni...

Aku: Fine, nak membebel dengan aku. 

Ko: Aku tak pernah tak bersama ko. Aku setia dengan ko. Tapi ko suka take me for granted.

Aku: Jangan nak mengungkit sangat!

Ko: Memang aku mengungkit. Ko bgtau aku sape di sisi ko bila ko sedih sepanjang jalan dari ofis ke rumah? Sape teman ko kat stesen minyak time ko tak boleh drive sebab mata kabur tengah menangis? Sape teman ko time ko paling gembira di sisi orang kau sayang? Memang aku mengungkit. 

Aku: Abis ape yang ko nak ni?

Ko: Sayang diri ko, sayang aku. Jaga diri ko, jaga aku.

P/S: Diri sendiri pun aku selalu tak jaga, apetah lagi ko..Sorry Rocketeer, aku memang tak pandai jaga ko...